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1 out of 10
If I was giving marks out of ten for humour, this track would get an eight at least. Squarely aimed at the demographic that prefer to listen to their music on mobile phones whilst travelling by public transport, who struggle with emotions generally and affection in particular, it has a melody reminiscent of a Tetris level. Mr. Tell'Em and his colleague Sammie go all la-de-da on the choon's ass towards the end, in case your short-term memory is so Red Bull'd you've forgotten the hook that's been hammered into your brain for three minutes or find things are becoming too lyrically taxing.
And the lyrics themselves? Well, it's difficult to choose the most outstanding example. I'm quite fond of 'I know that you like me / You my future wifey'. There is admirable bravery in the description of 'kissin' you in public / thinkin' nothing of it'. But the (w)hole is perhaps best summed up by the refrain 'I miss you, I miss you / I really wanna kiss you / But I can't'. I doubt that even Shakespeare has covered the void at the heart of the teenager better than that. In these environmentally-aware times the track is, of course, eco-friendly - it already sounds like a ringtone, thus saving valuable carbon from being used to convert an actual piece of music into tinny, blippy bullshit.
1. Kiss Me Thru The Phone (Main Version)
2. Kiss Me Thru The Phone (Instrumental Version)